For those of you that think suicide is cowardly or the easy way out, let me break it down for you. You can’t hate me more than I hate myself, in my own worst enemy. In my eyes everything I do is never good enough. I strive to be accepted because I’ll never accept myself. My thoughts will break me down and hurt me. My anxiety always attacks me. My dreams constantly remind me that I’m a failure. And the people that love you will tell you everything that conflicts with how you feel and they may be telling the truth but for 2 reasons I don’t believe them. 1. They feel obligated to say them because they’re friends or family 2. People lie all the time. So when my first thought in the morning is that I hope something bad happens to me so I don’t have to live this lie anymore it when my last thought at night is that I hope I die in my sleep so I don’t have to hurt the people I love with suicide and I have these thoughts every fucking day, how can you tell me that being alive is better than dying. How can you think that I’ll be ok when I’ve felt like this for years. I’m tired of hurting I’m tired of crying I’m tired of trying I’m tired of failing I’m tired of letting everyone down I’m tired of pretending like I’m ok I’m tired of not being enough. So don’t tell me it’s all in my head. Don’t tell me everything is going to be ok. Don’t tell me I’m overreacting. Don’t tell me it’s the easy way out and I’ll be hurting the people that love me. I know I’ll hurt them if I do that’s why I’m still here. But when you tell me to get over it, when you tell me I’m fine, or it’s in my head, you just make it worse. You make me feel like a burden. You make it seem like I need to keep it to myself. This isn’t something I can battle on my own. I need help and idk who to turn to because I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed for being this way. I feel like I let people down for wanting to be dead. I feel like I bother people when I talk about it. And when they ask why I have no answer I freeze up. When they ask why I don’t do something about it they don’t realize that if it’s from a person causing it I won’t get rid of them because they’re the only person that knows how to help and they feel like home. Or if it’s from something going on in my life and they ask why I don’t be productive to make it go away they don’t understand that most days I struggle to get out of bed, everything that most people do is a chore to me such as showering or brushing my hair and teeth and getting up to eat it cleaning around me. I feel overly exhausted at all times and catch myself feeling unbearably tired in the middle of the day forcing me to sleep most of the day. Depression may not be something you understand but I understand it all to well. Don’t judge someone because they’re depressed. Don’t make someone else’s life hell because I can promise you that you have no idea what they’re going through.


  1. Wow! You are really suffering. If you ever wanna chat about any thing feel free and send me an email.

  2. Depression can cause you to introvert and keep you from seeing a larger picture. Take baby steps toward achieving a larger goal. Helping others in need sometimes shines a light on your own issues, and gives you much needed perspective. Know that you are loved, even though you may not have found the source of that love... yet. We are out here, and we know you are there, and we are happy that you exist. Begin very simply by looking at how you are eating. If you are out of balance chemically, this is one way to regain stability without medication. Eat live foods, doses of protein paired with calculated amounts of carbs in a day (minimize sugars!). Do not measure yourself through vanity. The shallow human will destroy you, and you cannot allow that to happen. You must move every day. Walk in a natural place, and connect to its beauty. Go to it routinely. It is the only truth that you can depend on consistently, and it will provide clarity. The answers will not come from other people, they will come from you. You are in my heart and I will be hoping for you

  3. Everybody else has felt this way at some point in their lives..quit crying.
    Things get better over time, esp for those who put effort into making things better for themselves. When you’re lost, find the ones that love you, they’re not obligated to like you, no one is.


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